Bloody hell, been guiding folks on these lakes since '93 – proper old hand at it now! If you’re after a cracking day out with a rod, you’ve come to the right bloke. Me and my mates’ll take you to spots we’ve been sneaking into for decades – none of that crowded tourist nonsense. Peaceful as you like, just the water, the fish, and maybe the odd grumble about the weather (always pack a jumper, mind – Lake District’s got more moods than my ex-wife).

You’ll be chucking flies at wild brown trout, salmon that’ll give you a proper scrap, perch that’d make your granddad jealous… oh, and sea trout! Nearly forgot those slippery buggers. Pike too, if you fancy something with teeth. All catch-and-release, of course – we’re not barbarians.

Might’ve seen us bobbing about on telly once or twice – that fisherman pal of ours, Matt, dragged us along for a laugh. Or was it that Mortimer and Whitehouse lot? Derwentwater, I think… lovely spot, though personally I prefer the quieter bits where the fish haven’t learned to mug for cameras.

Anyway, if you want proper fishing – none of that “corporate experience” bollocks – give us a shout. Hemmingways Fishing, same name since ’93. Endorsed by Guideline, but more importantly, endorsed by every local who’s ever borrowed my spare waders (you know who you are, and yes, I am still missing that flask). Cheers!